This post is in response to Mission Not So Impossible:Part 2. To see Part 1 of the fun little mission, take a look at Human For a Day . As Part 2 of this challenge, we are going to let the tabloids take over…
Public Health Emergency!!!!
Mind Controlling Goblins Trick Our Sons Into Impregnating Their Hags!
An alarming report comes from Leicester today, where Mrs. Jannigan has had to give up care of her grandson, Harold Jannigan, to the Leicester Mental Wellness House.
“He was always such a good boy,” she wailed as she walked out of the facility. “I told him not to talk to strangers! Oh, Harry, why didn’t you listen!”
Dr. McHenry, Chief of Staff at Leicester Mental Wellness Center, held a press conference to announce the endangerment of public health and safety. “Harry Jannigan is in a compromised mental state, which may or may not be permanent. Sometime after dinner,Master Harry was lured into the forest by what he describes as a fairy princess. He says they spent the night together in a nearby field ‘watching the stars’ [Dr. McHenry raised his fingers in a quoting gesture and wagged his eyebrows mockingly] and then at dawn, she gave him a farewell kiss and faded into thin air. Of course we all know that is impossible as fairies do not exist. After countless interview and tests, we have determined that he was, in fact, tricked by a goblin.”
Dr. McHenry’s face grew dark. “That is right people. Goblins are loose in our forest.”
Our readers are reminded of the following tips to avoid goblin attacks. Goblins will trick you and change form so you cannot seen them for the ugly, wrinkled, smelly wretches that they are. They prey after the innocent and the simpleminded, so a curfew for all children and our challenged population is recommended. Goblin males are mostly impotent, so their hags must mate with humans to continue the line. It is said that the mating with a goblin hag causes temporary or permanent insanity in a human male. If we can stop them from mating, we can rid ourselves of this nuisance once and for all.
If our good readers remember, this is not the first time Mr. Jannigan has met with unhappy circumstance. When he was seven, he was one of the boys affected by the incident involving Mr. Caraway’s runaway horse. It has been suspected that the resulting head injury left Mr. Jannigan a bit simple, which would explain why he would be so easily lured in.
The keys to avoiding becoming insane: stay indoors, stay away from the forest, and never trust a beautiful woman.